Short Stories
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Mistaken Identity

A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken back, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says "Do you know me?". To which she replies "I think you're the father of one of my children."

Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful and says..."My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt?".

She answers, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

School Daze

The girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four,but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8,9,10!"

"Very good,"said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy,Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school."Mommy,Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered,all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No, it's because you're 24."

Sometimes

Sometimes...

when you cry ...

no one sees your tears...

Sometimes...

when you are in pain...

no one sees your hurt...

Sometimes...

when you are worried....

no one sees your stress...

Sometimes...

when you are happy ...

no one sees your smile...

But fart just one time!!

From Such Humble Beginnings

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."

Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."

The farmer asked, "What ya goanna do with him?"

Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off."

Farmer: " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00."

Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"

Kenny: " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron

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©2004 James Bengel.